So your best friend is getting married and she has asked you to stand by her side on her big day! Can we say Yeehaw, let the partaayyy begin! However, being a bridesmaid is more than just looking pretty and holding a bouquet. I have spoken with real brides and bridesmaids and compiled a To Do and Not to Do list for all bridesmaids! Here it is!
1.) Be Upfront With The Bride
First things first, if you are asked to be a bridesmaid, know that you have big responsibilities. Those responsibilities include, helping with a bridal shower, helping plan a bachelorette party, helping with bridal lunches, helping the bride with everything planning AND helping pay for all these things including your dress and shoes for the big day. This is a A LOT and if you aren’t up for it or you truly can’t afford it, please let the bride know. Having been a bride myself, I tried to make things as budget friendly as possible for my girls, but there was still one who truly didn’t have the time or money and she let me know right away which I appreciated. Just let the bride know gently and ASAP so they can plan ahead.
2.) Take On the Responsibility
It never fails, anytime I talk to any bride or fellow bridesmaid, there always seems to be at least one bridesmaid who was non-existent in all the planning but took part in all the fun. Please don’t be that bridesmaid. The bride specifically asked you to be part of this journey because she cares about you and wants you to be a part of it, SO HELP. Stay in touch with all the other girls, specifically the Maid of Honor. If the Maid of Honor is the one not helping, take charge in a kind way but make sure to always include her so she doesn’t feel left out and make sure to let the bride know.
3.) Ask What You Can Help With
Make sure you are constantly letting the bride and other bridesmaids know you can help with anything needed. Even if you don’t have time at the moment, it’s still nice to ask! Just let the bride know when you will have time to help and ask what you can do then. I know when I was a bride, I wanted to do everything myself because I didn’t want to be a burden on anyone else, but there came a time where it was too much and I appreciated the girls who were always there asking me what they could do.
4.) Plan An Envelope Stuffing Night For The Bride
Okay, I have to admit, I thought as a bride I had the addressing and stuffing envelope thing down and it would only take me about two hours. WRONG! By the 20th envelope, my hand was killing me. One way you can be an awesome bridesmaid is to plan a night where all the girls get together and help with this tedious task. If one girl doesn’t have good handwriting, have her put the postage stamps on and seal the envelopes. Throw in some wine and put on some good music and make a party out of it!
5.) Get Contact Info For ALL The Important People
This is very important. First, you need to get the contact info for the other bridesmaids and Maid Of Honor. Maybe create a Facebook page where you guys can post and plan things for the bride. Also, get contact info for the groom, the groomsmen, the groom’s parents and the parents of the bride. You will want this info to help plan and coordinate. Need to know the brides shoe size? I’m sure mom would know! Need some baby pictures of the groom? Go ahead and call those parents!
A lot of times as well, the bridesmaids and groomsmen don’t really know each other and it may be a good idea to get everyone together before the big day to break the ice. I mean they are the most important people to the bride and groom so they have to be awesome right? Come wedding day it will also be nice to have this info to make sure everyone has arrived and has brought everything they needed to bring!
Here is a pic of my awesome bridesmaids and groomsmen who didn’t know each other at all due to living in different states having a blast together!
6.) Plan An Awesome Bachelorette Party
Here is your moment to shine as a bridesmaid! But, make sure you plan a bachelorette party that your bride would want. For example, if she isn’t into the whole penis themed bachelorette thing, don’t have anything penis themed! If the bride isn’t a huge partier, plan something a little more low-key like a girls weekend at a spa or at the beach. Just make the event about the bride! I recommend throwing in some fun games and giving the bride small sentimental gifts. For example, my girls did the game called guess the panties, in which each girl bought me different panties and I had to guess who bought which pair. It made for some serious laughs because the panties were extreme and I didn’t guess a single one right.
7.) Don’t Make The Bride Or Other Bridesmaid Take Care Of You
This is a big one! I have heard many horror stories of one bridesmaid getting so drunk at an event (this could be bachelorette party or wedding) and the bride or other bridesmaid have had to take care of her. THIS IS A BIG DON’T! If you know you can’t handle your alcohol, then don’t drink that much! The bachelorette party and wedding is about the BRIDE AND GROOM. Do not ruin her fun by having her take care of a drunk you.
8.) Get Along With The Other Bridesmaids
On that note, I have also heard horror stories of some girls in the wedding party not getting along and it has ruined certain events that should be about the bride. If you do not like a certain girl in the bridal party, swallow your pride and get over it. The bride obviously loves both of you because you are both there and if you both love the bride you will get along for her sake. Now, if it is very serious like they are not including you in things, then you can by all means let the bride know. But, if it is just personality conflicts, then try your best to get along.
9.) Don’t Complain
If the bride wants you to wear a poofy sleeved pink polka dot dress, then you by golly rock that poofy sleeved pink polka dot dress. Now, I understand you are paying for this dress and you don’t want to buy something you don’t like, but realistically, how many times have you re-worn a bridesmaid dress you did like? We always say, “I can wear it again!” but how many times have you really worn it again? You are there to support the bride and hopefully she will ask your opinion on dresses but in the end the decision is hers and if you love her you will wear a trash bag if she asked you to. At the end of the day, the point is you are supporting her on her wedding day.
10.) Plan Ahead
With a wedding comes many important dates. After the bride gives you these important dates, it is your job to plan and save for these important dates. That means, asking off work WAY in advance to make sure you are able to attend. If you can’t get off work, let the bride know ASAP. This also means SAVING for events. I have heard so many stories of girls backing out LAST MINUTE on things because they didn’t have the money even though they were well aware of the cost MONTHS ago. Now, I understand last minute things happen and unexpected expenses happen, but if that is not the case then that just looks bad on you. If you bail on a trip that would have cost you $200 but then you post a new pic of your coach purse you just bought that probably cost you well over $200, then that really tells the bride and other girls you just don’t care. Don’t be that bridesmaid. Just be honest and truthful.
11.) Know You Are Not The Only Friend The Bride Has
This kind of goes along with number 8, but it is a little different! I don’t know what it is about girls and competition but we have all seen it. Take the movie bridesmaids for example, Lillian brings in new friend Hellen who ruffles the feathers of life long friend Annie and things went down! Now, that makes for a very hilarious movie but it is not fun if you are the bride. Know that there are girls in the group who have known the bride longer and have different memories with the bride that you will not be able to contribute too when talked about but know that the bride LOVES both of you. Her ultimate wish is that you will become great friends with the other girls and that you will ALL have a fun time together. If you feel a little left out by another girl at times, try your best to get to know that girl, who knows she might even love if you join her and the bride at rockin’ sushi sometime. (If you have not seen the movie bridesmaids, I command you to go rent it now! :-P)
12.) Have Fun
Above all other things, this is the most important! One of your best friends is marrying the man of her dreams. She found her prince charming and you get to witness this big moment in her life! How exciting is that!? Don’t forget to have fun and celebrate with the bride on her big day!
❤ Ashley Mae
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